Nip It, Guys!

Men, we need to do something about our nipples. We've been prancing around with our areolas fully exposed ever since the beginning of time. We're a walking peep show. Have we no shame? Women, on the other hand, keep their goods out of view.

"But that's different, we have breasts," women argue. Breasts, schmeasts, that has nothing to do with it. Look at any female model in any pop culture magazine and I guarantee you her breasts are hanging all over the place. In Maxim, for example, they show breasts from every conceivable angle. Cleavage, sideage, toppage, bottomage, everythingage except the nippleage.

A topless woman with her fingers strategically placed so that you can see everything except the nipples. A long-haired woman completely exposed except for strands of hair just barely covering, you guessed it, her nipples. TITilating, isn't it?

It's not about the breasts. We see the whole boobage. Everything except -- sing it with me -- the nipples. Now do the math: Women have nipples. Men have nipples. Women cover theirs. Men openly display theirs at the beach, swim club, basketball court, and who knows where else. Duh, guys! Women constantly get a free look at our nips. I feel so violated.

Men of the world, unite! Let's stick pasties on our nips. Cover up. That's right, show some self-respect. It’s time we claim our nipples back.